i just finished watching 'something's gotta give'. sidelight...excellent movie. however, while i loved the movie i guess i can't help but draw a few correlations to me. i guess the thing that struck me most was when diane keaton was talking about 'having the time of her life'. her daughter replied, 'i've never had the time of my life'. keaton's response was a simple, 'what are you waiting for?.' so i have to wonder what am i waiting for? what is it that holds me up from having the time of my life?
well i've never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but i think there are some good reasons for this. about a year ago i found out that if you put it out there there's a distinct chance that someone might get ahold of it, own it, fawn over it, and then cast it aside taking extra care to stomp on it as they walk away. so what lesson have i learned from this? well i guess the only answer is that i learned that if you don't take the risk you can't get hurt...by someone else. unfortunately this fact carries along with it the self-imposed torture of chaining yourself down just to protect something that takes a long time to heal. nevermind the ache of wishing you could have every opportunity, every ripe moment back to live over again and actually take a risk. nevermind the melancholy that sitting around wishing for those moments again generates.
i've always admired people who have the guts to say something courageous like, 'damn the torpedoes' or ' get busy living or get busy dying' or some other cliche movie line and then move on to their heroic moments; admiration, yes, willingness to imitate, not so much. i've never been much of a risk-taker. my desire to keep things safe, simple, within my control has overruled me more often than i'd like to remember.
so what have i written here? a mission statement? a self-sustaining curse? or just an evaluation of the status quo content to move along as such? i guess i'll find out tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.